The Stupidity Law

I really think there should be a law defense attorneys and the general citizens of any nation can use called “The Stupidity Law.” It means, if the prosecution did something so incredibly stupid you could consider them mentally repaired, you can call the Stupidity Law to your defense. Let me give you some examples.

1) The kid at the amusement park: This kid at an amusement park was decapitated by a roller coaster after jumping two, (not one, two!) fences covered with signs saying “DANGER, DO NOT CLIMB OVER FENCE!” You would think one would be smart enough not to put himself in a position where any moment a 65 MPH roller coaster would shoot by and possibly kill you. Of course however, this is the great America, so there will be a lawsuit. All this does is bring awful PR to the park, and for something so stupid I don’t think even they saw it coming. They should be able to use The Stupidity Law to shoo the unfortunate kid’s family away.

2) Sports players can’t believe they got caught doing anything illegal, or are sued: Just because you are a star who everyone loves does not mean you are invincible. Roger Clemons, we know you took steroids, you’re not fooling anyone. You should have done what Andy Petite did and no one would care anymore. Now you’re going to jail. Michael Vick, what you did was not just illegal, it was heartless. Why are you surprised so many of your fans have left you? Why are you surprised to be in jail? You’re just as much of a citizen as everyone else, even if you don’t think so. Here The Stupidity Law comes in to the defense of the people against these morons.

3) People who foreclose and say “they didn’t know how much they were paying”, and the mortgage companies giving them the loans to begin with: Hell-o peoples! Let’s think for a second. I’m the average American making b/w 75-150 K a year. I just signed up for a 550 K mortgage because there was only 2% down. I now owe for this house about five times what I make a year, and I have about thirty to make it up. Seriously, what are the chances I can afford that? Now let’s look on the other side of the spectrum. I am a broker, and I give you a loan with no money down, and you don’t even have to tell me you credit or assets, and I seriously think you’re going to pay me back. The Stupidity Law comes in and boldly says on behalf of everyone thinking it, “you have no right to sue, complain, or show any bit of surprise, you’re the only idiot here.”

4) Medical patients who sue because they screwed up: If I’m a doctor, and I give you implicit instructions on really anything, I think it’s fair to expect you to follow them. If I tell you to take one pill in the morning when you wake up, and one at night before you go to bed, then if you decide to take six to get better faster, that’s not my fault. If I tell you not to walk around, and you ignore me and fall and are severly hurt in the process, you shouldn’t be able to sue me for malpractice. The worst part of this is that doctors today are very conservative in caution of lawsuits, and that should never be the case. They should be able to use The Stupidity Law in their defense any time someone decides they know better.

It’s cases like these that always amaze me. Think about how many people would sleep more soundly at night with this law in place.

GYA out

Take Me Out to the Ball Game!

Happy birthday to everyone’s favorite baseball song. Written in 1908 by Jack Norworth in fifteen minutes on some scrap paper on a train to Manhatten. Little did he know, it would become one of the most famous songs in the world!

GYA

A Few More Notes on the All Star Game

I know I’ve already written an epic on the MLB all star game, but here’s a couple more notes:

1) Why is Jeter anywhere near the top of the balot? I know, he’s Derek Jeter. He’s a god sent down to the Yankees, but look at his numbers this year: his average is .281, he has 4 homers, and 37 RBI’s. He doesn’t even have 100 hits. There’s no reason for him to be there other than the fact that there are so many fans in NY.

2) A bunch of people are asking why Jason Varitek made the all star team. He’s not a starter like Jeter, but he’s just .18 over the Mendoza Line, and he only has 7 home runs, and 20 more RBI’s. The reason–he was voted in by the managers (Francona couldn’t vote for him). Varitek is a guy that keep a locker room together. He also is the best pitch-caller in the MLB. He’s practically the Red Sox’s assistant manager, and the team looks at him and respects him that way.

3) Welcome back Chipper! Chipper jones, hitting .388, is back in the all star game for the sixth time. What an accomplishment, and what a story.

4) I can’t say enough about how disappointing I believe it is that the fans vote on a game that matters. When the all star game was meaningless, it was great that the fans got to choose. But home field advantage in the World Series is important, and the fact that the best players from each league can’t play for it is awful. I’ve even heard of many people voting for the players in the other league of their favorite team in second or third, in hopes that their team, if they’re in the world series, has a better chance at home field.

GYA out

All Stars or No Stars?

Major league baseball announced the All Star lineups yesterday. Since it’s the fans who vote on which players get to play in an important game (tell me how many things are wrong in that last sentence, I dare you), let’s break these teams’ starters down.

A.L.

C, Joe Mauer (Minnesota): Completely agree with this selection. Mauer has a .415 on-base percentage, and he’s hitting .325. Furthermore, he’s huge with runners in scoring position and late in games, so there’s no denying he has heart. Great selection by the fans.

1B, Kevin Youkilis (Boston): Fielding wise, this guy in an obvious choice. Earlier this year he broke his streak of more than a season without an error. He has a really high slugging % at 534, and he’s hitting .311. While that’s not great, (not bad, but we’re talking about All Stars here) the next guy, Justin Morneau, is only hitting .307, and only slugging .481, so Youke was the right choice.

2B, Dustin Pedrioa (Boston): The 5 foot 9 small guy from Boston just got in by less than 40,000 votes, but the position should have gone to Texas’s Ian Kinsler. Kinsler has 5 more homers, is hitting .20 points better, and his on-base percentage is .36 points better. This is a perfect example of how a guy from a big market town can get a couple more votes because of where he plays to get in over someone who deserves it more. Shame on you Red Sox fans.

3B, Alex Rodriguez (New York): The leading vote-getter (almost 4 million) is not putting up the same numbers as last year, but he’s still hitting well. With 18 homers, 50 RBIs, and an incredible slugging percentage of .606, he definitely deserves this this one. Obvious choice.

SS, Derek Jeter (New York): Huh? What? Who? You’re telling me that Jeter, who’s hitting .281 with just four lousy homers got in over Texas’s Michael Young? Young has a better hitting percentage, more home runs, more RBI’s, a better slugging percentage, and a better on-base percentage. Tell me that’s right? Absolutely robbed. Just because Jeter’s in the big apple doesn’t mean he necessarily gets a bigger bite of it.

OF, Josh Hamilton (Texas), Manny Ramirez (Boston), Ichiro Suzuki (Seattle): I’m fine with these selections. I think J.D. Drew of the Red Sox deserves it a bit more than Manny, and Milton Bradley of the Rangers instead of Hamilton, but the differences between the sets of teammates are negligible. Good selections all around.

DH, David Ortiz (Boston): Okay, I know Ortiz is hurt, and people are upset over this selection, but I’m okay with it. DH in the A.L. this year is weak, and Ortiz put up pretty good numbers after his early slump.

N.L.

C, Geovany Soto (Chicage): Soto has a high lugging percentage (.527), but a low batting percentage (.287). Normally I would say if you’re not hitting .295 or above, you should not be starting in the All Star game, but considering the other catchers in the N.L., he was the clear choice.

1B, Lance Berkman (Houston): Here’s a guy who deserves what he got. Lance is hitting .349, with 69 RBI’s, .436 on-base percentage, and .667 slugging percentage. Wow. Considering those are all considerably better than the numbers of Prince Fielder (Milwaukee), thank you fans for voting for the right guy, not the more popular guy.

2B, Chase Utley (Philadelphia): Some argue that Mark DeRosa (Chicago) deserved it more, and their batting percentages are almost even, but Utley has hit 13 more home runs and has 18 more RBI’s.

3B, Chipper Jones (Atlanta): Has there ever been a more obvious choice? Chipper is .388. Let me repeat that: .388! Couple that with 18 home runs, and 50 RBI’s, and you’ve got an obvious all star selection.

SS, Hanley Ramirez (Florida): He’s hitting a fine .304 with 21 homers and 43 RBI’s, a bit above average, but by no means does he have monster numbers, but just like Geovany Soto, there’s no one else to replace him. The best at his position, and that means good choice.

OF, Ryan Braun (Milwaukee), Alfonso Soriano (Chicago), Kosuke Fukodome (Chicago): Braun has a low batting percentage (.284), but a bunch of homers (21) and RBI’s (59). When he hits it, it flies, but that’s a big “when.” Am I okay with it, yes, but tentatively. Soriano is the pick that I agree with, with 40 RBI’s and a great fielding percentage and arm. However, Kosuke Fukodome? I know, he’s all the rage, he’s Japanese, but come one people! He has just 7 homers and 35 RBI’s. The only way he could redeem those numbers was if he was hitting at least .300 like his fellow Japanese Ichiro (Seattle), but he falls way short (.287). Someone explain to me how he made it in Corey Hart (Milwaukee) has twice as many home runs, 20 more RBI’s, and he’s hitting nearly nine points better (.296).

DH: Oh wait, there’s no DH in the N.L., but that is for another time . . .

Overall grade for fans this year in voting for the all star teams: A-

Pretty good job, but a couple inexcusable mistakes. Four Yankees, seven Red Sox, seven Cubs, perhaps I should just expect likewise from now on . . .

GYA out

Buy and Sell, 7/7/08

GYA here, introducing a new section coming to you hopefully every Monday called Buy and Sell. Basically, in the world of sports, who’s stock rose this week and who’s dropped.

BUY:

Tampa Bay Rays–Winners of seven in a row, and leader of the AL east by 5 games over the Red Sox, this team just keeps on rolling.

Rafael Nadal–Finally getting over the hump and beating Roger Federer in the match of the century, doesn’t get much better than that.

The Williams Sisters–Venus and Serena both made it to the finals of woman’s singles at Wimbledon, and the champions of woman’s doubles.

Spain–First the Euro and now Wimbledon, Spain is the winner of both large international major championships this week.

SELL

Seattle Mariners–Now 18 games under .500, and 18 back in their division, this team is a mess.

Chicago Rush–The regular season arena football champs lose at home in the divisional playoffs to the Grand Rapids (who finished the regular season 7-9) 58-41.

MLB Allstar Rosters–If this game now means something, stop letting the fans vote and send the actual best players from each league. The winners of a popularity contest play for something important, not the ones who deserve it most based on performance.

Roger Federer–Winner of five straight Wimbledon titles couldn’t defend his terf agains the young gun. 1-13 on break points didn’t help him. Neither did 52 unforced errors.

GYA out.

Wimbledon, Take Three

Wow.

That’s all I could utter after Rafa Nadal lay sprawled on the floor finally haven goten over the hump to beat Roger Federer in the match of a lifetime. 6-4, 6-4, 6-7, 6-7, 9-7 was the final talley in a 4 hour 48 minute match with two rain delays, boasting the absolute best tennis I have ever seen played.

Wow.

First of all, congrats to the Spaniard Nadal. (Great week for Spain, huh? First the Euro now Wimbledon.) He becomes the first player in over four decades to win the French and Wimbledon, and he did it against an opponent who had not lost on grass since ‘02, breaking his streak of five straight Wimbledon finals.

Wow.

Secondly, this match raises many questions. Is Federer still the number one tennis player in the world? Will Nadal now be the player to beat, not the 22 year old young guy who everyone roots for? Is Federer’s time coming to a close? I say, yes, no, and no. Considering what it took for Nadal to win this match, I think he was better on that day. Federer is still the best overall, but not by as much as before; he is getting older, even if his play doesn’t show it. Federer is still the player to beat, he’s just a bit more beatable. He’ll win another four or five grand slams, just you wait.

Wow.

Finally, this final was arguably the best ever, and I think it’s the best. Federer and Nadal are so much better than the rest of the field, and to see them neck-and-neck like that was incredible. Federer with his smash and go style just made too many unforced errors against the dare-you-to-beat-him play of Nadal. The best match I’ve ever seen, I don’t doubt it for a second. Thank you Federer and Nadal for making one of my favorite sports to play and watch great once again.

Wow.

GYA out

Not a no-no

Jeff Weaver pitched a hitless 6 for the Angels last night, and his bullpen achieved the same feat. Yet, he lost, and the team was not awarded a no-hitter. Why? After giving up a run on two errors and two stolen bases in the fifth, the Dodgers did not bat in the bottom of the ninth. And by major league rules, if 9 complete innings aren’t pitched, it’s not a no hitter. Can you think of an odder rule? Why should you have to play nine for you to be awarded a no-no? In an entire game, the Angels did not give up a hit, so why shouldn’t they be awarded a no-hitter. People have thrown no-hitters and lost in the past, just they pitched nine innings. It’s ridiculous. I know, when it comes down to it, all that matters is the W, but it’s still very odd.

GYA out

A Wie Bit Short

Michelle Wie quadruple-bogeyed the ninth at the Woman’s Open today, putting her at a 42 for the turn, and she currently sits 9 behind the early leaders, putting her basically out of contention. A young superstar who at one point showed much promise now sits out of the running after a bad injury. The 18 year-old Hawaiian was in a self-absorbed state of shock after her ball finally entered the hole at the ninth. It seems one can never experience too many ups and downs.

GYA

NBA Officiating (If your even willing to call it that)

Those of you who have been with us for a while know that I have many a times bashed the NBA officiating. However, last night’s performance was nothing short of embarrassing. I now realize there is a reason that the Lakers have not lost at home this postseason, and that is the fact that the officiating is so favored toward them its preposterous. Ever time Kobe stepped inside the key he was fouled, even twice I counted when he was literally not touched. Heck, he shot twenty odd free-throws in the first half! That’s utterly ridiculous. I know the NBA wants this series to go more than five, but do they have to make it as obvious as how much they wanted this series to begin with? All I have to say is that the Celtics got robbed last night. I know, Doc Rivers is doing almost as bad a job as the refs (1: Why on earth is Sam Cassel seeing the light of day, he’s awful? And why isn’t Rondo running the O for at least 40 minutes? 2: Putting Ray Allen on Kobe 1 on 1 in the closing minutes. Ray might be a great defender, but even I’m not stupid enough to realize that you got to double and make someone else beat you.), but considering Pierce and Garnet had an off night, they were in it until the very end, and the Celtics played against the Lakers and the Refs, I think we all realize how much of a mismatch this really is.

GYA out

NBA Final Scandal

Congratulations, NBA.

You have got what you wanted. Lakers Celtics. The old rivalry renewed. Ratings will be through the roof. Expectations are higher than before any final in the last decade. Once again, congratulations.

Now let’s look on the other side. Spurs, Cavs. You just got RIPPED OFF. My heart is with you. The NBA, a league that over the past couple of years has cracked down on more scandals that I want to believe happened, has finally snooped to Tim Donaghy’s level. I know, the league issued a statement saying “sorry, there should have been a foul called on Derrick Fisher,” what they did not say was “and I know and you know that this message does not help you win your series against LA.” It is plain embarrassing. The whole world knew the NBA wanted a Celtics-Lakers final, but did you have to make it that obvious? I mean, the Celtics needed seven against the Hawks, but won two on the road against the Cavs, who last year made it to the finals? Oh, and let’s not even go into the Spurs. Did you see that one game Kobe shot more foul shots than Ginobli, Parker, and Duncan combined? Coinkidink?–I think not! Many of you will say, “but the Celtics and Lakers were the best teams?” Yeah, and you know why? They were set to be here. Their playoff success was predetermined.

So once again, I hope you’re happy, NBA. You sit there watching your record rating, see if I care. But I’ll tell you what, if there’s a Mat Walsh somewhere in you, you know exactly who to blame.

-GYA out